i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
