I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
