I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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