Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
