I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
