I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
