remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
