im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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