Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
