I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
