Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
