No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He shit in the fireplace
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize