The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
pray to the hookup gods
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
