i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
