do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
