Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
