This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
