Someone shit on the floor
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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