we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
