I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
