I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
