Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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