is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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