there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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