They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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