On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
