my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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