If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
