They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
