Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
