there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
