Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
