1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
