Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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