She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize