I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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