I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
