I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
