What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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