You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she told me i tasted like america
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
