Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
