I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
