Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
