areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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