yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
