you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am one with the molecules
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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