Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
