p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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