Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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