I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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