I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
