xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
