I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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