The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
