if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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