I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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