Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
