how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
