I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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