I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Im part way to drunk.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
