I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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