he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
