I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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