I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
