I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my phone needs a breathalizer
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
