I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
