Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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