I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
