I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
