He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
