I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
