I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
