My first STD was from a foam party
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
