I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
