The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
