Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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