he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
