My room smells like vodka and shame
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize