she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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