Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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